Wildflowers

Cora Reinhart desperately wished her girlfriend Ryan McIntosh was seated next to her in  the backseat, their thighs pressed together thanks to their short cheer skirts. But Ryan was in the  front seat tonight as their friend Stella drove them and two other cheer friends back to Stella’s  house after a party. Cora and Ryan had only been dating for six months, but Cora was so in love  with her, it felt like heaven every time they were together. 

Pop music blasted from the car speakers as Stella drove, doing her best to follow the rules  of the road even though she had a few drinks at the party. Cora tried to convince Stella to let her  drive—she had only had one drink, and it was disgusting—but Stella wouldn’t let anyone drive  her blue Jeep even if the world was ending. 

Everyone sang along to the music, having the best night ever after cheering on their high  school’s basketball team to a 42-30 victory. And then the party, of which they were accustomed  to attending many as seniors, made the night even better. They were wrapping the night up with  a sleepover at Stella’s, because her parents were oblivious that the girls had been drinking, and  

Stella had a secret bottle of vodka in her room, so they could keep the party going. Kaeleigh and  Lily were in the backseat with Cora, all three squished together but singing their hearts out  anyway. 

Ryan was turned around, passionately belting the lyrics of Chappell Roan’s HOT TO GO! to Cora, smile hanging off her mouth as she sang. Cora was singing back at her, pretending they  were the only two in the car. The way Ryan looked at her always made flowers bloom in her  stomach, made her heart speed up, made her feel more alive than ever.

Just as the song came to the chorus and the whole car, save for Stella, was prepping to do  the iconic dance, Cora felt the car shake and spin, her head slamming forward onto the driver’s  seat.  

*** 

When Cora came to, it took her a minute to realize where she was and what had just  happened. As she looked to her right, she saw Kaeleigh blinking slowly, bloody, and Lily on her  far side in horrible shape. She was covered in blood, head hanging down, and the car door on her  side was crushed, pushing her partially onto Kaeleigh. 

Cora’s head snapped to the passenger seat, worried about Ryan. 

Ryan was drenched in blood, also unconscious. 

Cora knew she wasn’t supposed to touch or move people who had been in an accident,  but her gut told her she needed to get to Ryan, to shake her awake. The passenger door was also  crushed inward—a truck was sitting on the other side of the Jeep with the front end smashed. 

“Ryan,” Cora said, trying to stay calm. Surely, she was just bloody and would wake up  soon. 

But Ryan didn’t respond. 

“Ryan,” Cora said more forcefully, panic lacing her voice. 

Nothing. 

Cora fumbled to unbuckle, ignoring the hot pain shooting through her body as she leaned  forward, grabbing Ryan’s shoulder and giving it a shake. “Ryan, wake up. Please, Ry.”

From the driver’s seat, Stella muttered, “ambulance.” 

Cora glanced over to see Stella coming to. “Are you okay?” she asked, hands still on  Ryan. 

“Ambulance,” Stella repeated, her eyes barely open. 

Cora climbed back to the backseat, searching for a phone. She found hers under Stella’s  seat and called 911 but was informed that the paramedics were already dispatched and should be  there soon. 

Cora resumed trying to wake Ryan. “Come on, Ryan. Wake up,” she pleaded. She was  growing more desperate by the second but was trying not to hyperventilate.  

“Let the doctors handle it,” Stella whispered, stiff in her seat. “She’ll be okay.” 

When the paramedics arrived, Cora was escorted to an ambulance and examined, even  though all she wanted was to be with Ryan. They gave her a thorough check, cleaned all the  blood off her, and determined she didn’t need to go to the hospital. As soon as she was cleared,  she was back at the scene of the accident, where they were still trying to stabilize Ryan and Lily.  Stella and Kaeleigh were being examined elsewhere. 

“Come on, Ry,” Cora muttered to herself as she watched the paramedics work on Ryan.  They had moved her to a stretcher and had an oxygen mask on her. Cora thought it was all just  precautionary until out of nowhere, they started doing chest compressions. 

Cora’s heart dropped into her feet. Anxiety flooded her body as she grew hot with panic. “No.”

Pump, pump, pump. “Clear!” The AED shocked Ryan, but it wasn’t enough. The  paramedic started chest compressions again. 

Tears fell from Cora’s eyes, and her knees started to wobble. “No, no, no.” 

“Clear!” Ryan was shocked again, but her pulse didn’t return. After one more round of  chest compressions, the paramedic called it. “Time of death, 12:02 a.m.” 

Cora fell to her knees, screaming and sobbing, her body shaking. Her heart felt like it was  being ripped out of her chest, and everything was happening in slow motion. “No, no, no! Ryan,  no!” 

----------------- 

One Day Before 

Thursday at school, Cora caught up with Ryan at her locker. “Hey,” she grinned at her  girlfriend, like they didn’t stay up on FaceTime for hours the night before. 

“Hey,” Ryan casually smiled back with the tilt of her chin, her cool girl persona on full  display today. “So, there’s this party after the basketball game on Friday, at Jordan’s house.  Stella said we can all spend the night at her house after. You in?” 

Cora leaned against the lockers, considering the offer. “I guess. You know I’m not really  into parties, but the sleepover sounds cool. Will Stella let me DD?” 

Ryan shut her locker, clutching her books to her chest with one arm and wrapping the  other around Cora’s shoulders. “You can ask, but you know how much she loves driving us  around in that damn Jeep. It’s her baby. She just won’t drink too much, and we’ll be fine. She  doesn’t live far from Jordan, anyway.”

Cora hated getting in the car with her friends after they had been drinking, but Ryan  didn’t seem to have an issue with it. Cora was the lamest of the friend group, and totally not cool  enough to be dating Ryan, so she tried her best to keep her mouth shut when she was the obvious  outlier of the group. But she had a strange feeling about this weekend, so she decided to push a  little harder. “You don’t think she’d go for it, just once? I mean, we’d all fit in my Civic just fine.  I know it’s not as cool as her Jeep, but at least we’d be safe.” 

Ryan chuckled softly. “You’re so cute, worrying about safety. It’s not like Stella’s gonna  get plastered or anything. She never has more than a few drinks, anyway. And she’s a safe  driver—she wouldn’t want anything to happen to her Jeep.” 

Cora pushed down the bad feeling in her stomach and agreed with Ryan. “Okay, sure.  The party sounds fun, I guess.” 

Ryan’s smile spread wide as they stopped in front of her class. “Awesome. I’ll catch you  later, cutie.” 

“Bye, Ry.” 

-------------- 

Two Months Before 

Cora and Ryan lay in bed, Ryan’s queer playlist playing from her phone as they gazed  into each other’s eyes, post make out session. Cora’s finger traced the tattoo on Ryan’s ribcage  that was partially hidden by her sports bra. Ryan got the dainty bouquet of wildflowers on her  ribs the second she turned eighteen after a song lyric she couldn’t get out of her head, and Cora  thought the artwork was beautiful. She loved it even more when Ryan was undressed, but they  hadn’t gotten there yet tonight. It was still early. Any time spent with Ryan was pure bliss for  Cora, but especially when they were alone in her room, limbs tangled in bed. 

“Crazy to think we only have one more semester of high school,” Ryan said as her eyes  locked onto Cora’s deep blue pools. “And then in August, we’ll be taking on college together.  Do you think we’ll live in the same dorm?” 

Cora couldn’t help but smile when Ryan talked about their future. She knew most high  school couples didn’t make it after graduation, but she wanted her and Ryan to last more than  anything. 

Ryan McIntosh had been the girl of Cora’s dreams ever since she noticed the way Ryan’s  strawberry blonde hair shone under the stadium lights as she cheered on their school’s football  team. Being in the front row, Ryan’s killer smile and soft brown eyes were enough to draw  anyone in—and it certainly pulled Cora in on the first football game of senior year. Ryan’s cool  confidence and charm were just a few of the things Cora loved about her girlfriend. But really,  Cora still couldn’t believe Ryan reciprocated her feelings. Cora was one of the least popular  cheerleaders on the team, and was still awkward in social situations, even as a senior. It was a  miracle Ryan even integrated her into her very cool friend group. 

“I hope we get the same dorm,” Cora finally said, her fingers tracing down to Ryan’s hip.  “I don’t want to be too far from you—I’m afraid you’ll forget about me.” 

Ryan brought her hand to Cora’s face, caressing it in such a smooth way that only she  could pull off. “Baby girl, I could never forget about you. Even if you were on a different planet,  you’d still be the first thing I think about in the morning and my last thought before going to bed. But if we get in the same dorm…” she smirked suggestively. “We would have less of a commute  between sleepovers.” 

The corners of her mouth tugging into a smile, Cora playfully asked, “is sex all you think  about?” 

“You’re all I think about,” Ryan smiled without missing a beat. With her hand still on  Cora’s face, she leaned in, closing the space between their lips. 

Not that Cora had kissed a ton of people before Ryan, but she was fully convinced that  Ryan was the best kisser on the planet. She always developed the perfect rhythm, kissed so  smoothly, and whenever she slipped her tongue in—well, she really knew what she was doing. 

Ryan slowly climbed over Cora, never breaking the kiss, until she was laying on top.  Cora’s hands roamed up and down Ryan’s body, and she was thankful she and Ryan were  undressed to their usual level of sports bras and spandex shorts. 

Ryan pulled away and looked down at Cora, her brown eyes soft. “I love you,” she  smiled warmly. 

“I love you, too.” Cora grinned back. 

And she really did. 

-------------- 

Five Months Before 

Cora and Ryan had been dating for a month when homecoming season rolled around.  Cora had always gone with friends in the past, and part of her was expecting she and Ryan to just go with Ryan’s friend group. She wasn’t a big fan of school dances, so she wouldn’t be too upset  if Ryan didn’t officially ask her. 

Cora walked into cheer practice one afternoon, a million things on her mind and not  ready to work on their routine for the state competition coming up in a few weeks. Her plan was  to start stretching on her own, maybe chat with Ryan, until their coach got practice started. 

Instead, she entered the gym to see Ryan holding a sign that said, “Cora, will you be my  biggest cheerleader and go to homecoming with me?” A colorful bouquet of wildflowers rested  in one arm, and she was wearing the biggest grin Cora had ever seen. 

Cora’s face flushed bright pink, totally caught off guard. She never expected Ryan to  make such a gesture, or to ask her in front of their whole team. But she couldn’t stop the dopey  smile from forming on her face as she walked closer. “Seriously?” 

“Duh,” Ryan teased, still smiling. “Who else would I go with?” 

Feeling embarrassed for being shocked, Cora said, “I don’t know. I thought we would go  as a group.” 

Ryan extended the bouquet to Cora as she said, “obviously I want to take my girlfriend to  the dance with me. So, what do you say?” 

Cora grabbed the flowers, saying, “of course I’ll go to homecoming with you.” She  admired the flowers, smiling wide knowing Ryan picked her own favorite flowers but made sure  to incorporate soft pinks and oranges, which Cora loved in bouquets.

Ryan grinned and tossed the sign aside, opening her arms up. She wrapped Cora in a big  hug and planted a kiss on her cheek. “I can’t wait to see how pretty you look all dressed up,” she  whispered, her lips grazing Cora’s ear.  

Hugging Ryan like her life depended on it, Cora said, “me too. I’m so excited.”  --------------- 

Six Months Before 

Cora had been hanging out with Ryan for a month, and she had a sneaking suspicion  Ryan was going to make their relationship official any day now. They had been making out from  practically the first hangout, but they were floating in the limbo without a label. Not that Cora  completely minded—she never thought she would even kiss a girl in high school, but now that  she had a taste of Ryan McIntosh, she couldn’t help but want more. 

Cora arrived at Ryan’s house dressed in a light pink athletic set, complete with a short  flowy skirt and matching bra top. She knew she looked cute, and hoped Ryan thought the same. 

When Ryan answered the door, Cora’s jaw nearly dropped. Ryan was in a black cropped  top with a plunging V neck and a matching black skirt. She looked hot, and Cora had no idea  how she was even in Ryan’s orbit. 

“Hi,” Ryan beamed at her, pulling her in for a hug. 

Cora hugged her back, relishing the feeling of Ryan’s exposed skin under her fingertips.  “Hi,” she offered a massive smile as they pulled apart. “You still wanna go to the park?” 

“Totally,” Ryan nodded, her cool attitude coming out in full force.

They got in Cora’s car, where she drove them to the closest park. They headed to the  trail, chatting as they went. 

Cora loved the way Ryan looked at her whenever she talked, like she put galaxies in the  sky. Ryan seemed to hang on to every word Cora said, even if it was a silly story about her goofy  calculus teacher—Ryan was always interested in whatever Cora had to say. 

“So,” Ryan said as they walked, “I’ve been thinking. We’ve been spending a lot of time  together, and I figured we might as well make it official. So, do you want to be my girlfriend?” 

Cora’s heart sped up and she smiled so wide, she probably looked stupid. “Really?” She  asked, and then immediately felt dumb for letting that slip out. 

“Yeah,” Ryan chuckled. “You in?” She was so casual, like she didn’t just ask Cora a life  changing question. 

“Yeah,” Cora nodded, trying not to look as eager as she felt. “I’m in.” 

“Sweet,” Ryan said, smile still on her lips. She reached out and laced her fingers with  Cora’s. 

Cora’s stomach turned into a puddle of its former self. Never in a million years did she  think Ryan McIntosh, coolest girl ever, would be her girlfriend. 

---------------- 

Seven Months Before 

Cora couldn’t believe Ryan McIntosh asked her to hangout. She was honestly still in  shock that Ryan noticed her at cheer practice a week ago, and that they had been talking on  Snapchat ever since. Ryan was so effortlessly cool, and even though they were in the same grade, Cora had never really talked to her. Their cheer team was huge, and their school, even  bigger, so it was no wonder the two had just become friends. 

As she drove to Ryan’s, Cora swore she was going to vomit. She had never hung out with  another queer girl before, and she was out of her mind nervous. Not that she expected anything  to happen. Sure, they were a little flirty with their Snapchats, but Cora was convinced that was  just Ryan’s easygoing personality, and it had nothing to do with her. 

Well, she was about to find out. 

She rang the doorbell and Ryan greeted her, a soft smile on her lips. “Hey, Cora.” 

“Hi,” Cora flashed a nervous smile, feeling like she was going to pass out after hearing  her name come out of Ryan’s mouth. 

“Come in,” Ryan said, stepping aside. “My room is upstairs.” 

Cora followed Ryan to her room and was met with queer girl heaven. It was so tastefully  decorated with posters of hot queer female and nonbinary celebrities, small, subtle rainbows, and  several paintings that, if Cora looked hard enough, almost looked like the outline of women's  bodies. Her bedding was forest green with white linens, which tied in the faux leaves hanging  from the wall. 

“Your room is so cool,” Cora said as her eyes roamed. “I’m so jealous.” 

Ryan chuckled as she sat on the edge of her bed. “Thanks. I’ve worked really hard on it. I  needed it to feel like me, and it finally does.” 

Cora took a seat on the bed next to Ryan, feeling completely unsure of herself. “So, what  do you want to do?”

Ryan tilted her head, saying, “we could put on music and talk? What kind of music do  you like?” 

Cora chuckled as she admitted, “I have a feeling your taste in music is much better than  mine.” 

“Sweet,” Ryan flashed a sincere smile. “I’ll pick the playlist. Make yourself comfy.” She  kicked off her shoes and climbed to the head of the bed on the far side. 

Cora gently removed her shoes and situated herself next to Ryan, leaving ample space  between them. She had no idea what they would talk about, but her stomach was already  churning with nerves. 

Ryan got the music going and set her phone between them. “So, how long have you  known you liked girls?” She asked inquisitively. 

With cheeks pink, Cora said, “getting to the deep questions right away, are we?” “Sorry,” Ryan laughed softly. “I’m just curious.” 

“Since last year,” Cora said, her eyes flicking to Ryan. “What about you?” 

“Oh, I’ve known since I was thirteen,” Ryan smiled smugly. “I stumbled onto The L  Word: Generation Q and the rest was history.” 

“I’ve never seen that show,” Cora admitted, slightly embarrassed. She had only  consumed select queer media, which was probably nothing compared to what Ryan had seen. 

“Dude, you have to watch it!” Ryan lightly smacked her arm. “The women are so hot. I  was literally thirteen and thinking about what it would feel like to have a girl on top of me.”

“You’re probably so experienced,” Cora chuckled nervously. 

“Hardly,” Ryan shook her head, still looking cool as ever. “It’s gotta be the right girl, you  know?” 

Scared of the answer but dying to know, Cora asked, “what does the right girl look like?” 

Ryan smiled wide, her eyes fixed on Cora. “I like nice girls. Sweet, not too popular. The  shy ones that are absolutely stunning. Bonus points if she has a good smile and can make me  laugh.” 

Cora’s anxiety crashed like waves into her stomach, because Ryan could very well be  describing her. But there was no way Ryan McIntosh thought she was cute, was there? 

“I’m sure you’ll find a girl like that,” Cora said, her body feeling hot all over. Still smiling, Ryan asked, “do you have a type?” 

Cora shook her head, her short blonde hair going flying. “I’m not picky. I’ll take anything  I can get, which so far has been nothing.” She had never so much as had an online girlfriend,  which felt like a queer girl rite of passage. 

With a cocky grin, Ryan asked, “you looking to change that?” 

Cora stared at her with wide eyes. “Uh…” She didn’t have the words as her brain  scrambled to make sense of what Ryan said. 

“God, you’re so cute,” Ryan chuckled with her eyes fixed on Cora.  

Still, Cora stared at her with raised eyebrows and mouth agape. Was Ryan flirting with  her, in person?

“I’m hitting on you, Cora. That’s what this is.” 

Cora’s face flushed red hot, her palms started to sweat. Was this really happening? “It’s totally fine if you aren’t interested,” Ryan said, sounding so smooth it hurt. 

“No, I am!” Cora rushed, sitting up straight as she leaned closer to Ryan. “God, sorry.  You’re just really cool, and I’m so lame.” 

“I think you’re incredible,” Ryan smiled, looking genuine. 

And then Ryan leaned in and kissed her. 

--------------- 

Seven Months Before 

It was the first cheer practice back from summer break, and Cora was so happy to be back  with her team. She was excited to be a senior this year and hoped to help lead her team to victory  at their state competition. Even though she wasn’t very popular, thanks to being friends with the  smart girls outside of cheer, maybe this year would be different. Now that Cora’s older brother  wasn’t at home to pick on her anymore, maybe she could be more confident in all aspects of  life—starting with cheer. 

After a group stretch and warmup, the team jumped right into practice as if they had  taken no time off. They started with standing tumbling, then worked stunts, jumps, and wrapped  up the practice with running tumbling. 

As Cora stood on the side of the mat, waiting for her turn to do her running tumbling  pass, the girl next to her said, “I like your bracelet.”

Cora looked up to see fellow senior, Ryan McIntosh, smiling wide at her. “The rainbow  one. It’s cute.” 

Cora’s stomach started spinning. Every queer girl knew that if someone complimented a  rainbow accessory, it meant that person was queer. Was that true for high schoolers? Or was  Cora suddenly reading too much into this interaction? 

“Thanks,” Cora said, forcing a smile despite how nervous she felt. 

Ryan held up her wrist, revealing a different style of rainbow bracelet. “I have one, too,”  she smiled, her warm brown eyes suddenly making Cora melt. 

She was definitely queer. And god, so beautiful. 

“I’m Ryan, by the way.” Her thousand-watt smile was enough to make Cora’s knees  weak. 

“Cora,” she smiled, willing herself to come off queer and cool. 

“Nice to meet you, Cora. Can I get your Snapchat after practice? I think we should be  friends.” 

Oh, how Cora wanted nothing more.